Pray Shamelessly

Dr. Brené Brown at TED 2012

© Seth Olson 2019

July 28, 2019—The Seventh Sunday after Pentecost—Proper 12 (Gospel Reflection Track)
Genesis 18:20-32Psalm 138Colossians 2:6-15, (16-19)Luke 11:1-13

“Lord, teach us to pray.” This request (in today's Gospel) from one disciple appears simple enough. Jesus what do we say when we want to talk to God? In response, Jesus offered his followers the familiar words of the Lord’s Prayer. We often recite these comfortable words—and when we do we are literally following what Jesus said to do. We cannot do much better than that, can we?

Hammering this home, we in the Episcopal Church have taken Jesus at his word so closely—when it comes to praying the “Our Father”—that every time we gather together we say the Lord’s Prayer. Whether it’s at Holy Eucharist or Holy Baptism; during the sacramental rites of confirmation, ordination, holy matrimony, reconciliation of a penitent, or unction; whether it is part of the Daily Office or a devotion for individuals and families, every time we participate in Prayer Book liturgy—the spiritual work that binds us together—we pray in the way that Jesus taught us. So, that’s it, right? We have prayer figured out. Just stick to the script Jesus gave us. Maybe…

When the one in today’s Gospel lesson asked Jesus to teach the disciples to pray what was that inquiry really about? Was this a request about what to pray or was it about how to pray? While the importance of what Jesus offered is critical enough that we speak it every time we gather, the significance of how Jesus taught his followers to pray was even more profound.

Particularly in Luke’s telling of the Gospel, we often observe Jesus going off to pray. Right at the start of today’s story Jesus was praying. He prayed in the morning. He prayed through the night. He prayed on the eve of his death. He prayed constantly. Something we are called to do in our own lives. If his example were not enough Jesus also gave us a parable about how to pray in today’s lesson.

Fresh on the heels of teaching his disciples our most familiar prayer, Jesus invited his students into a creative exercise. I, in turn, invite you into this practice of imagining, as you seek to understand how to pray as Jesus modeled and taught.

Suppose you have a friend who is your neighbor. And, you go to your friendly neighbor to ask for some bread in the wee hours between dusk and dawn. You are doing this because you have another friend who has come to you and you have nothing to give this visiting friend to eat. Well, at first your friendly neighbor is hesitant. The neighbor has been cuddled up in bed for a while and even has children snoozing in the bed too. And just because you are this person’s friend and neighbor that’s not enough. The warmth and comfort of the bed keeps your neighbor from responding. However, as Jesus explained, “Even though [this neighbor] will not get up and give [you] anything because he is [your] friend, at least because of [your] persistence he will get up and give [you] whatever [you] need.” If this story is about how to pray, we can see that Jesus is telling us to pray persistently. It’s as clear as day, right there in the text. Jesus said prayer is about being persistent—except that’s not what he originally said.

Persistence is half-way right, but if we walk away thinking that the morale of the story is to pray persistently we will not be even half-way right. The point is not everything will turn out how you want it to turn out if you pray all the time. Jesus is not telling us that God is waiting to give us something good when we pray consistently enough. That’s just not who God is. This makes sense when we take a closer look at the word we translate as “persistent.”

The original word here is more closely related to our word shamelessness. It might be self-evident, but shamelessness means without disgrace, disrepute, or shame. How does this change the meaning of this parable? Well, let’s put the story into a contemporary setting to find out.

Suppose you knock on your neighbors door at 2 o’clock in the morning pleading for some bread because your best friends have just arrived from out of town. You don’t have anything to offer them or their family. Publix is long since closed. And, you don’t really want to go to the Green Springs Walmart Neighborhood Market, so you knock on your neighbor’s door. Your neighbor might not respond because of your friendship, but they will if you are not only persistent but also shameless in your knocking and yelling. The next day I bet your neighbor might even call you shameless. I can even hear them asking, “HAVE YOU NO SHAME?” Truthfully, that’s the point of this parable on prayer. When questioned, “Have you no shame?” in the presence of God we are to wholeheartedly respond “YES, I HAVE NO SHAME!” Maybe this sounds crazy to you, but bear with me for a moment.

What Jesus was trying to tell his disciples is that when they prayed they were to lay everything completely bare without disgrace. In doing so, they were relying upon themselves, but asking God for whatever they truly needed. This is how we are called to pray as well. Now, maybe a little clarification about shame might be helpful.

Noted author, storyteller, and researcher Dr. Brené Brown in her TED talk entitled “Listening to Shame” explained that shame prevents us from innovation, creativity, and positive change. Things that often come from prayer if you ask me. Shame is “I’m sorry. I am a mistake.” [1] As opposed to guilt, which is “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” “Shame is the gremlin who says, ‘Uh, uh. You're not good enough. You never finished that MBA. Your wife left you… I know those things that happened to you growing up. I know you don't think that you're pretty, smart, talented or powerful enough. I know your dad never paid attention, even when you made CFO.”[2] Dr. Brown even says that shame is different for women and men.

“For women, shame is, do it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat.” For men, shame is don’t be seen as weak. It’s “I’d rather die on my white horse than for others to see me fall off it.”[3] So, this is shame and it is something that prevents us from not only innovation, creativity, and positive change, it also keeps us from one another, and it can keep us from God.

So, Christ Jesus through today’s parable tells us the posture with which we are to pray is without shame. But, how do we do this? How do we overcome the gremlin?

In Holy Baptism, God calls us beloved children—we are sealed as Christ’s own forever. In Holy Eucharist, we are what we eat—we are the Body of Christ as we consume the Body of Christ. Even after experiencing these transformative services of worship regularly, I don’t always get it. I hear my own self-talk and it’s not “I’m a beloved member of the Body of Christ.” It’s more like, “I’ll be good when I…” or “I wish I hadn’t done that stupid thing, I’m such a bad (husband/father/friend/son/brother/etc.).” This sort of communication within ourselves reinforces shame—so what’s the antidote for shame?

Well, Dr. Brown says that it is empathy. Secrecy, silence, and judgment help shame to grow, but empathy destroys it. We see a glimmer of this in today’s parable.[4] The neighbor finally address his friend’s needs seeing the dilemma of the knocking neighbor. Even more clearly we see Abraham’s shameless empathy in our Old Testament lesson.

Throughout this lesson Abraham empathizes with the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah. Leave alone for now the destruction of these cities. Instead focus on the prayerful actions of Father Abraham. When he sees the possibility of a righteous one struggling in a desolate city he cannot help but vulnerably lay bare his desire before God. God, don’t destroy these cities if people there are living in right relationship with you. According to Genesis this was not the case, but the what of the prayer isn’t as important as the how here. How are we to pray? Like Abraham: vulnerably, shamelessly, empathetically (if that's even a word).

Of course, this is difficult. We often think our prayers have to be pretty, that we have to have some perfect prayer routine that we stick with forever, or that God will only listen to us if we act the right way. But, this is not the case. God hears all our needs before we offer up any prayer. And, in today’s lesson Jesus provides the important instructive that we are to pray shamelessly. We are to pray without shame because God is a non-shaming entity. God wants our entire selves—even the broken, messy bits.

I’ll leave you with some inspiring words from President Theodore Roosevelt that inspired Dr. Brown. To me this is a beneficial way of envisioning our lives—prayer lives and otherwise: “It is not the critic who counts. It is not the [one] who sits and points out how the doer of deeds could have done things better and how [that one] falls and stumbles. The credit goes to the [person] in the arena whose face is marred with dust and blood and sweat. But when [that one is] in the arena, at best, [winning], and at worst, [losing], but when [that one] fails, when [that one] loses, [that one] does so daring greatly.”[5]

How are we to pray? May we dare greatly, shamelessly speaking with God who sees us completely and does not shame us, but loves us unconditionally, and calls us to reach out to others with empathy.

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[1] Brené Brown, “Listening to Shame.” TED Talk. https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame?language=en [published March 2012; accessed July 24, 2019].

[2] Brown, “Listening to Shame.”

[3] Ibid.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

Matthew 9:9-17: I desire mercy, not sacrifice.

Jesus receives many titles throughout Scripture: the Prince of Peace, the Lord and Savior, the Logos aka the Word of God, the Lamb of God, the Good Shepherd, the Christ, the Son of God, and the Son of Man just to name a few. I think each gives us a different way of understanding God Incarnate. In today's gospel reading from Matthew, Jesus himself hints at another title, the Great Physician, which stands out as a particularly fitting nickname for such a source of healing. Wrapped within the profundity of the cognomen itself is the way in which Jesus brings about healing to those who are sin-sick and to all of Creation.

This section of the gospel begins with the call of Matthew, who is a tax collector. Tax collectors in the First Century of the Common Era, just like they are today, were not seen as a likable characters. When thinking of Matthew here at the start negative associations with the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) are quite appropriate. Especially among Pharisees, folks in Matthew's line of work were villainous, for they would line their pockets with extra taxes that they added on to those imposed by Imperial Rome. Jesus' call to Matthew in light of this comes as somewhat of a shock. Maybe today's equivalent would be Jesus walking into our gridlocked U.S. Congress to call some corrupt politician to "follow me." Jesus call of Matthew is surprising to say the least. Yet, Jesus, as usual, goes a step further.

Jesus not only calls Matthew, a sinful tax collector, he goes so far as to share a meal with the IRS agent and all his friends. To dine with such lowly characters would have given the Pharisees hives. These "sinful" ones were seen not only as corrupt, but also unclean. As the Pharisees walk by they observe Jesus' welcoming action, and they cannot help but say to Jesus' disciples, "Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?" Jesus, leaning in the doorway just within earshot of the religious folks, hears their comment. Then, having to stop a very interesting conversation with liars, thieves, prostitutes, and tax collectors Jesus said, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick [do]." What an obvious retort to the Pharisee's cynical question, yet it is more than just a comeback, Jesus provides with his statement an insight into the purpose of his mission. Jesus is here to heal!

I believe fully in the power of God's healing through Christ Jesus. And, I believe that it did not stop when the person of Jesus of Nazareth commissioned his disciples to go and do the work in the world, as he mysteriously left his earthly ministry. Sometimes though, I get caught up in the mechanism of this healing. Living in such a rational age, miraculous healing sometimes sets my scientific mind on edge. I start to wonder, if Jesus is truly the Great Physician, able to heal us, why have my loved ones suffered? If the Great Physician brings healing, why is there so much pain in the world? Why God?

"Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners." The healing that Jesus brings into this world is salvation. There is a 100% chance that all of us are going to die. Our bodies will stop working, our hearts will stop pumping, and our minds will deteriorate. Jesus is not promising that we will not go through this, rather he is offering to all of us who are disconnected from one another and from God a chance for healing. We are given redemption through the Great Physician.

This past Sunday morning the TED-ology Christian Education class watched Bryan Stevenson's "We Need to Talk about Injustice." Stevenson, a profound and hopeful defense lawyer from Alabama, put it roughly this way, "We are more than the worst thing that we have done. I believe, if you lie, you are more than a liar. If you steal something, you are more than a thief. And, even if you kill someone you are more than a killer." I believe this is the healing that Jesus offers to us. We are more than our sins that keep us from one another. We are children of God. Made in the image of God. Redeemed by Christ Jesus. Healed by the Great Physician.

We are not to walk around with our sins written across our foreheads. We are not to hurt ourselves with painful sacrifices of shame and guilt, rather we are to see each other as healed by God Incarnate himself. Jesus wants us to be contrite, to show mercy to one another and to ourselves. This is how we are healed, not by calling one another sinners as the Pharisees do. Jesus is our Great Physician and the medicine he prescribes is the sweetness of mercy, not the bitterness of shame and guilt offerings.