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| Dr. Brené Brown at TED 2012 |
© Seth Olson 2019
July 28, 2019—The Seventh Sunday after Pentecost—Proper 12 (Gospel Reflection Track)
Genesis 18:20-32Psalm 138Colossians 2:6-15, (16-19)Luke 11:1-13
Genesis 18:20-32Psalm 138Colossians 2:6-15, (16-19)Luke 11:1-13
“Lord, teach us to pray.”
This request (in today's Gospel) from one disciple appears simple enough. Jesus what do we say when
we want to talk to God? In response, Jesus offered his followers the familiar
words of the Lord’s Prayer. We often recite these comfortable words—and when we
do we are literally following what Jesus said to do. We cannot do much better
than that, can we?
Hammering this home, we
in the Episcopal Church have taken Jesus at his word so closely—when it comes
to praying the “Our Father”—that every time we gather together we say the Lord’s
Prayer. Whether it’s at Holy Eucharist or Holy Baptism; during the sacramental
rites of confirmation, ordination, holy matrimony, reconciliation of a
penitent, or unction; whether it is part of the Daily Office or a devotion for
individuals and families, every time we participate in Prayer Book liturgy—the
spiritual work that binds us together—we pray in the way that Jesus taught us.
So, that’s it, right? We have prayer figured out. Just stick to the script
Jesus gave us. Maybe…
When the one in today’s
Gospel lesson asked Jesus to teach the disciples to pray what was that inquiry
really about? Was this a request about what to pray or was it about how to
pray? While the importance of what Jesus offered is critical enough that
we speak it every time we gather, the significance of how Jesus taught
his followers to pray was even more profound.
Particularly in Luke’s
telling of the Gospel, we often observe Jesus going off to pray. Right at the
start of today’s story Jesus was praying. He prayed in the morning. He prayed
through the night. He prayed on the eve of his death. He prayed constantly.
Something we are called to do in our own lives. If his example were not enough
Jesus also gave us a parable about how to pray in today’s lesson.
Fresh on the heels of
teaching his disciples our most familiar prayer, Jesus invited his students
into a creative exercise. I, in turn, invite you into this practice of
imagining, as you seek to understand how to pray as Jesus modeled and taught.
Suppose you have a friend
who is your neighbor. And, you go to your friendly neighbor to ask for some
bread in the wee hours between dusk and dawn. You are doing this because you
have another friend who has come to you and you have nothing to give this
visiting friend to eat. Well, at first your friendly neighbor is hesitant. The
neighbor has been cuddled up in bed for a while and even has children snoozing
in the bed too. And just because you are this person’s friend and neighbor that’s
not enough. The warmth and comfort of the bed keeps your neighbor from
responding. However, as Jesus explained, “Even though [this neighbor] will not
get up and give [you] anything because he is [your] friend, at least because of
[your] persistence he will get up and give [you] whatever [you] need.” If this
story is about how to pray, we can see that Jesus is telling us to pray
persistently. It’s as clear as day, right there in the text. Jesus said prayer
is about being persistent—except that’s not what he originally said.
Persistence is half-way
right, but if we walk away thinking that the morale of the story is to pray
persistently we will not be even half-way right. The point is not everything
will turn out how you want it to turn out if you pray all the time. Jesus is
not telling us that God is waiting to give us something good when we pray
consistently enough. That’s just not who God is. This makes sense when we take
a closer look at the word we translate as “persistent.”
The original word here is
more closely related to our word shamelessness. It might be self-evident, but
shamelessness means without disgrace, disrepute, or shame. How does this change
the meaning of this parable? Well, let’s put the story into a contemporary
setting to find out.
Suppose you knock on your
neighbors door at 2 o’clock in the morning pleading for some bread because your
best friends have just arrived from out of town. You don’t have anything to
offer them or their family. Publix is long since closed. And, you don’t really
want to go to the Green Springs Walmart Neighborhood Market, so you knock on
your neighbor’s door. Your neighbor might not respond because of your
friendship, but they will if you are not only persistent but also shameless in
your knocking and yelling. The next day I bet your neighbor might even call you
shameless. I can even hear them asking, “HAVE YOU NO SHAME?” Truthfully, that’s
the point of this parable on prayer. When questioned, “Have you no shame?” in
the presence of God we are to wholeheartedly respond “YES, I HAVE NO SHAME!” Maybe
this sounds crazy to you, but bear with me for a moment.
What Jesus was trying to
tell his disciples is that when they prayed they were to lay everything
completely bare without disgrace. In doing so, they were relying upon
themselves, but asking God for whatever they truly needed. This is how we are
called to pray as well. Now, maybe a little clarification about shame might be
helpful.
Noted author,
storyteller, and researcher Dr. Brené Brown in her TED talk entitled “Listening to Shame” explained that shame prevents us from innovation, creativity, and
positive change. Things that often come from prayer if you ask me. Shame is “I’m
sorry. I am a mistake.” [1]
As opposed to guilt, which is “I’m sorry. I made a mistake.” “Shame is the
gremlin who says, ‘Uh, uh. You're not good enough. You never
finished that MBA. Your wife left you… I know those things that happened
to you growing up. I know you don't think that you're pretty, smart,
talented or powerful enough. I know your dad never paid attention, even
when you made CFO.”[2]
Dr. Brown even says that shame is different for women and men.
“For women, shame is, do
it all, do it perfectly and never let them see you sweat.” For men, shame
is don’t be seen as weak. It’s “I’d rather die on my white horse than for
others to see me fall off it.”[3] So, this is shame and it
is something that prevents us from not only innovation, creativity, and
positive change, it also keeps us from one another, and it can keep us from
God.
So, Christ Jesus through
today’s parable tells us the posture with which we are to pray is without
shame. But, how do we do this? How do we overcome the gremlin?
In Holy Baptism, God
calls us beloved children—we are sealed as Christ’s own forever. In Holy
Eucharist, we are what we eat—we are the Body of Christ as we consume the Body
of Christ. Even after experiencing these transformative services of worship
regularly, I don’t always get it. I hear my own self-talk and it’s not “I’m a
beloved member of the Body of Christ.” It’s more like, “I’ll be good when I…” or
“I wish I hadn’t done that stupid thing, I’m such a bad
(husband/father/friend/son/brother/etc.).” This sort of communication within
ourselves reinforces shame—so what’s the antidote for shame?
Well, Dr. Brown says that
it is empathy. Secrecy, silence, and judgment help shame to grow, but empathy
destroys it. We see a glimmer of this in today’s parable.[4] The neighbor finally
address his friend’s needs seeing the dilemma of the knocking neighbor. Even
more clearly we see Abraham’s shameless empathy in our Old Testament lesson.
Throughout this lesson
Abraham empathizes with the inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah. Leave alone for
now the destruction of these cities. Instead focus on the prayerful actions of
Father Abraham. When he sees the possibility of a righteous one struggling in a
desolate city he cannot help but vulnerably lay bare his desire before God.
God, don’t destroy these cities if people there are living in right
relationship with you. According to Genesis this was not the case, but the what
of the prayer isn’t as important as the how here. How are we to pray? Like
Abraham: vulnerably, shamelessly, empathetically (if that's even a word).
Of course, this is
difficult. We often think our prayers have to be pretty, that we have to have
some perfect prayer routine that we stick with forever, or that God will only
listen to us if we act the right way. But, this is not the case. God hears all
our needs before we offer up any prayer. And, in today’s lesson Jesus provides the
important instructive that we are to pray shamelessly. We are to pray without
shame because God is a non-shaming entity. God wants our entire selves—even the
broken, messy bits.
How are we to pray? May we dare greatly, shamelessly speaking with God who sees us completely and does not shame us, but loves us unconditionally, and calls us to reach out to others with empathy.
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