Listening To Those Closest To Us

730 days of marital bliss!

Yesterday marked two years of marital bliss for Kim and me. Sure, it hasn't all been bliss, but it's clear to me that I love her now more than I ever have. We quietly celebrated our milestone last night by cooking dinner together. More noisily throughout yesterday we dealt with all the emotions of saying goodbye to our beloved friends the Garners who are moving to Fayetteville, AR. As I reflected on being married for 730 days, I fell like I am just starting to learn what it takes to have a good marriage (characteristics Elizabeth and Evan seem to possess in abundance).

Sacrifice — A lot of people will say compromise is the key to marriage, but I tend to think it works better to find consensus. Of course, there are times when one must sacrifice for the good of a relationship. It's hard to be unselfish though, as it works against some societally created norms.

Pause — Sometimes that thing I think I need to say isn’t what I really need to say. It’s okay to pause, take a breath, and discover if what I wanted to say earlier is really worth saying. Will it matter tomorrow, next week, next month, or in a year?

Celebrate — When I was a kid I remember every month had something to celebrate. It is good to find ways to celebrate a relationship, not just on an anniversary, but throughout the year. Did someone say date night?

Unite — Find meaningful ways to connect. This could include praying together, worshipping together, meditating together, cooking together, parenting together, just being together, etc.

Listen — Often life is so distracting that it is hard to know what is going on within ourselves, let alone within someone else we love. It is of great importance to listen not just so one can respond, but so that one actually hears one’s partner. What they want and need; their hopes and dreams; their fears and challenges. 

Over course, with only two years of marriage experience, I am not all that proficient in all those areas. And, this last point has really hit me squarely in the heart, not because I am good at listening, but rather because I am not. I am not good at really hearing what Kim says. While I yearn to be better, my not always being good at hearing Kim has helped me to understand something I previously could not. And, that lesson has everything to do with this coming Sunday’s Gospel lesson.

Jesus and his disciples got to his hometown. When it came time to learn about and to worship God in the synagogue Jesus stood up to teach. The power with which he spoke amazed the people who had known him all his life. Well, not so much amazed them as offended them. In fact, even though he knew these people and they knew him, he could do no deed of power there. It was as though even though he preached powerfully and offered God’s healing, they were too close to hear or to receive what Jesus gave. You see where I am going?

There is more to this story, but today I am stuck on this crucial detail. The townspeople who knew Jesus best, his own family even, could not really experience the coming of God through him. What a shame!

It’s not too tough for me to draw the line to my own experience of not really hearing what Kim is saying to me. She can tell me something transformative ten times, but often I cannot hear it. Then, someone else says the exact same thing, and I hear it straightaway. What a shame!

How often do I miss God’s voice speaking through my wife’s wisdom? Do I not see Jesus walking beside me in the disguise of others here in Decatur? What about when we go to our childhood hometowns? Do we miss the power of God’s presence and the abundance of God’s healing that flows through those closest to us or those we have known forever?

This week I feel challenged to see anew God’s word and healing present in the people with whom I am closest. How about you? Will you see the coming of Christ in those who are closest to you?