Listening To Those Closest To Us

730 days of marital bliss!

Yesterday marked two years of marital bliss for Kim and me. Sure, it hasn't all been bliss, but it's clear to me that I love her now more than I ever have. We quietly celebrated our milestone last night by cooking dinner together. More noisily throughout yesterday we dealt with all the emotions of saying goodbye to our beloved friends the Garners who are moving to Fayetteville, AR. As I reflected on being married for 730 days, I fell like I am just starting to learn what it takes to have a good marriage (characteristics Elizabeth and Evan seem to possess in abundance).

Sacrifice — A lot of people will say compromise is the key to marriage, but I tend to think it works better to find consensus. Of course, there are times when one must sacrifice for the good of a relationship. It's hard to be unselfish though, as it works against some societally created norms.

Pause — Sometimes that thing I think I need to say isn’t what I really need to say. It’s okay to pause, take a breath, and discover if what I wanted to say earlier is really worth saying. Will it matter tomorrow, next week, next month, or in a year?

Celebrate — When I was a kid I remember every month had something to celebrate. It is good to find ways to celebrate a relationship, not just on an anniversary, but throughout the year. Did someone say date night?

Unite — Find meaningful ways to connect. This could include praying together, worshipping together, meditating together, cooking together, parenting together, just being together, etc.

Listen — Often life is so distracting that it is hard to know what is going on within ourselves, let alone within someone else we love. It is of great importance to listen not just so one can respond, but so that one actually hears one’s partner. What they want and need; their hopes and dreams; their fears and challenges. 

Over course, with only two years of marriage experience, I am not all that proficient in all those areas. And, this last point has really hit me squarely in the heart, not because I am good at listening, but rather because I am not. I am not good at really hearing what Kim says. While I yearn to be better, my not always being good at hearing Kim has helped me to understand something I previously could not. And, that lesson has everything to do with this coming Sunday’s Gospel lesson.

Jesus and his disciples got to his hometown. When it came time to learn about and to worship God in the synagogue Jesus stood up to teach. The power with which he spoke amazed the people who had known him all his life. Well, not so much amazed them as offended them. In fact, even though he knew these people and they knew him, he could do no deed of power there. It was as though even though he preached powerfully and offered God’s healing, they were too close to hear or to receive what Jesus gave. You see where I am going?

There is more to this story, but today I am stuck on this crucial detail. The townspeople who knew Jesus best, his own family even, could not really experience the coming of God through him. What a shame!

It’s not too tough for me to draw the line to my own experience of not really hearing what Kim is saying to me. She can tell me something transformative ten times, but often I cannot hear it. Then, someone else says the exact same thing, and I hear it straightaway. What a shame!

How often do I miss God’s voice speaking through my wife’s wisdom? Do I not see Jesus walking beside me in the disguise of others here in Decatur? What about when we go to our childhood hometowns? Do we miss the power of God’s presence and the abundance of God’s healing that flows through those closest to us or those we have known forever?

This week I feel challenged to see anew God’s word and healing present in the people with whom I am closest. How about you? Will you see the coming of Christ in those who are closest to you?

Go Sell Everything?

Some people want to get literal about the Bible except when it comes to gluttony and fiances!

This sermon is inspired by the Gospel story from Mark 10:17-31.

Sermon audio can be found here.

Just over a week ago I got engaged to be married (WAHOO!!!). This, at least to me, is very good news. My pending nuptials have since occupied my thoughts: Where will we get married? How much money do we want to spend on this celebration? Who all can we invite? These and many other questions have been swirling around in my mind. I usually sleep like a log at night, but this week I have been more restless. All of these questions have produced a bit of anxiety, but I take it as a good sign; I am taking this next step seriously. Admittedly though, I have a hard time not relating everything back to getting married, even today’s Scripture from Mark comes back to this life-changing event.

Kim and I are not uprooting our lives today, but things will certainly be different for us in the coming months. While I may not sell all my possessions, I know that the days of living in my bachelor pad are now numbered. We both live our lives as followers of Jesus, but the way we walk with Christ will be different as we join together as a married couple. This is all very good, but like any big step into the future (going to college, buying a house, moving jobs, getting a prognosis, confronting a loved one about addiction, etc.) it is not without its share of sorrow and sleepless nights. We may respond to these transitions like the man from today’s gospel story with shock and grief.

Scholars differ in how they interpret the departure of this man, who is a “ruler” in Luke’s account and “young” in Matthew’s account of the good news. Does the “rich, young ruler” walk away devastated because he does not want to get rid of what he has or is he grief-stricken as a result of letting go of everything that he owns? I tend to lean towards the sorrow stemming from having to let go of those possessions, so that he can follow Jesus. The things we own eventually own us too!

On the day of Kim and my first date my soon-to-be-in-laws did something very strange. They sold their home, the place where Kim and her brother spent their formative years, and bought a motor home. They sold most of what they owned and put some family keepsakes in storage and have since traveled across the United States and beyond. I did not know them before this moment in their lives, but even since getting to know them I have recognized a shift. They are different than they were over two years ago. I sense that there is freedom in not being tied down by a mortgage, four walls, and all that adorns the houses we call home. So what do we just sell everything we own and move into RVs? Maybe.

Younger generations are taking part in a movement to live in tiny homes, with tiny environmental footprints and less of a financial impact on their lives. Somehow though I don’t think that is Jesus’ message from today’s gospel. A friend of mine said recently, “Everyone wants to be a Biblical literalist except when it comes to gluttony, then they ignore those words and stuff their faces at Ryan’s.” I have a similar sensation when hearing Jesus speak about financial matters.

Jesus says directly to sell all that this man owns and give the money to the poor, then to follow him. This is not an analogy or parable. We are consumed by the consumerism in which we participate. We are possessed by our possessions. Where our treasure is there is our heart also. It is not that we are “bad” if we have possessions, it is that those things that possess us also distract us from fully following Jesus. Do we sell it all? Maybe not right away, maybe not all at once, but remember we cannot take it with us when we go.

The intention of our lives is not to live without possessions, for that can all too quickly turn into a type of competitive spirituality. There have been monks throughout the years who take on one another in this type of asceticism. It is as dangerous as the isolation that comes from a certain type of wealth. Rather, our intention is to follow Jesus and whatever gets in the way of this relationship must be sacrificed, whether it is a possession, an addiction, or even someone who is a stumbling block to us.

It might seem impossible for us to get rid of all of these things and that is because it is. “Then who can be saved? Who can enter into the Kingdom of God on her own? Who can earn, achieve, or possess his way inside?” “For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible.”

This is the very best news of all.