Flip the Script

Noncomplementary behavior is one of the invisible forces explored on the NPR Podcast Invisibilia.

It was a warm summer evening in Washington D.C. when eight friends gathered together to raise a glass or two of French wine and share in a delicious dinner. A man named Michael, his Wife, and their 14 year-old daughter were among the guests. The group talked and toasted the night away with laughter filling up the nighttime air. Then, all of a sudden it happened.

An arm stretched out of seemingly nowhere to produce a gun with a long barrel. The hand with the gun belonged to a man. The man was well kempt, dressed in athletic gear, and of medium height and build. He pointed the gun at one of Michael’s friends, then at Michael’s wife. The intruder asked her to give him her money, first in a calm voice, then more hysterically.

Michael and his friends believed the man, but there was a slight problem, none of them had any money. The group of friends next attempted to persuade the man to pursue some alternative path. At first, they tried guilt. “What would your mother think?” they asked. He replied angrily, “I have no mother!” Michael kept thinking, this is going to end terribly, “We may end up dead.”

Then, one of the women at the table, Christina, piped up. She spoke to the man with the gun saying that this group of friends was there celebrating, and why not join them for a glass of wine. A switch went off in the man and the entire group could feel it. All of a sudden the man’s countenance shifted. He took a sip from the glass he was handed and replied, “[Man], that’s a really good glass of wine.” He reached down for some cheese on the table and put the gun in his pocket.

Then, the man uttered, “I think I’ve come to the wrong place.” The group all responded supportively, “We understand.” For a moment they all sat together in this strange bit of fellowship with the celestial lights of the night shining down and the sound of cicadas filling the space of the night air. At this moment the intruding man, now disarmed, asked, “Can I get a hug?”

One by one the party-goers gave the man a hug. Then he asked for a group hug, which the friends reluctantly gave to the once threatening man. He said he was sorry, and walked out the gate with a glass of wine in his hand. After catching their breath and calming down a bit the friends found the wine glass on the concrete in the alleyway. It was not smashed and shattered in anger or revolt. It was not haphazardly tossed aside in apathy. No, the glass was neatly placed on the ground. All of the friends went inside to cry in gratitude.

This is a story from the podcast Invisibilia, which means invisible things. The show airs on N.P.R. and explores the hidden forces—“ideas, beliefs, assumptions, and emotions”—that control our human behavior. On this particular episode, the program broached a topic called “noncomplementary behavior.” Most of the time when someone is mean to us our instinctive response is reply in the same way. When someone does us a favor we respond in turn. Noncomplementary behavior, though is something different. It is exactly how Jesus lived his life and how he teaches us to live ours as well.

Jesus said “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile” (Matthew 5:38-41). Additionally he spoke, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you” (6:27-28). Countless stories Jesus told—including today’s—show us how we can use noncomplementary behavior to reveal God’s Kingdom here and now.

The Good Samaritan was a story to teach his Jewish followers to see their enemies as neighbors. The Prodigal Son informed those listening that no matter how far away they thought they were or someone else was from the Father, God was always ready to embrace and celebrate a child’s coming home. And in today’s Gospel lesson Jesus again used noncomplementary behavior to show us that he was not sent to be a judge or an arbitrator, but a teacher and a friend.

A man came to get Jesus to settle the score between his brother and him. Jesus would do no such thing, but instead warned against greed telling a parable. A man had a bumper crop. To accommodate for this great yield he contemplated tearing down his barns and building up HUGE silos in their place. This was shrewd business. To build up a new barn was complementary behavior. However, the motivation this man felt was not best business practices, but rather greed. He wanted to not just build silos, but to silo himself off from the world saying, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.” This too is common behavior in our world.

Even though Jesus came to teach us the way to the Father we continually think we can feed our own souls. We still can be infected by all types of greed, not just for money, but also for power, prestige, and place in this world. God says to us just like he said to that man long ago, “You fool! Right now your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?” We who have been given some of God’s abundance can get tricked into thinking that it belongs to us and that the common practice is to hide it all away, but that is not what Jesus teaches us here.

Now listen, do not leave here and liquidate your 401k that is not what I am saying, but what we store up matters. We may believe that we own things in this world, but all of it — every single penny— belongs to God. Now notice the way Jesus talks about the bumper crop. He does not say the man produced it, but rather than the rich man’s land produced it. It is God who provided for the man, but he got greedy and wanted to insulate himself from the world. When we silo away ourselves, our souls, and what we believe we have produced on our own we may be doing what is prevalent in our society, but this is not how Jesus lived his life—and it’s not how teaches us to live.

Jesus used noncomplementary behavior throughout his life to live the Good News of God’s Saving Grace. When asked to be a judge in this lesson, he instead taught and befriended the brother to help him learn. When at Table with his followers Jesus did not take the best seat, but alternatively he served his disciples to teach them about real leadership. When being crucified on the cross Jesus’ last words, “Father forgive them, for they know not what to do” fly in the face of a world obsessed with vengeance. And, the ultimate noncomplimentary behavior came as God responds to our attempts to kill Jesus not with wrath, but with the loving light of the Resurrection.

We seem to be wired to respond in complementary ways. When someone rips out our eye we want to come back and take out both of theirs. If someone talks badly about us we do the same. Some believe the solution to violence is more violence. Some are turning to more and more isolation to silo themselves off from anything that is different. This is not the way of Jesus. Jesus used noncomplementary behavior to flip the script. True wealth is not in banks but in sharing with others, right leadership is not in lording over others but in serving them, and real power comes not in perpetuating violence but in the love that not even death can overcome.

“Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that,” the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said. May we respond to the hate, fear, injustice, and greed of this world not in kind, but with noncomplementary behavior loving, opening, seeking reconciliation, and giving of ourselves to one another, just like Jesus taught us. I mean if a glass of wine can disarm a would be robber what can flipping the script not do?