Saint Thomas: Through the Doubt

The song "Doubting Thomas" appears on Nickel Creek's 2005 Album Why Should the Fire Die?

Today we celebrate Saint Thomas one of the twelve apostles of Jesus. Thomas, at least in the English speaking world, has earned a conflicted moniker “Doubting Thomas.” We heard an example of his “doubting” in today’s Gospel lesson. Thomas, absent when Jesus first appeared after the Resurrection, questioned the preposterous story from the other disciples that Jesus had been risen. “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe” (John 20:25). I have in the past heaped on criticism of the wavering disciple, but I am less sure today that Thomas’ doubt is problematic.

As we remember Thomas this week we would do well to see through the typical understanding that he was merely a hesitant follower of Jesus. According to Church lore he died (on December 21st) while serving as an evangelist in India, not peaceably in a hospital bed, but instead Thomas was martyred. We might say that from the moment Thomas saw the wounds of the risen Christ his life shifted; however, I believe that the questioning of this disciple served him and serves us well. Thomas, especially at this time of year, helps as a guide for those of us who possess questions; we can wonder about the stories of Angels’ proclamations, Mary’s pregnancy, and God’s Incarnation with this disciple as our model.

Doubt though, is like a double-edged sword. One edge cuts through an oversimplified version of the mystery that is our transcendent and immanent God; the other side cuts us off from believing with a childlike faith. Of course, with all the far-fetched aspects of the Nativity narrative sometimes a little bit of humor helps to lighten the seriousness of our Faith. Recently I saw a Christmas card that did precisely this. Two women were talking on the cover of the card. One woman said to the other, “A virgin birth, I can believe in that, but three wise men, I’ve never even met one wise man let alone three.” Laughter has the potential to unlock some of our stuffiness around serious questions, and allowing ourselves to laugh about how serious we become certainly helps. And yet, doubt we never voice can stiffen our hearts, cloud our minds, and choke our souls not just when it comes to God’s story, but also our own story.

The holiday season is not cheerful for all. Family struggles become apparent. The absence of lost loved ones shows painfully clear. We might ask, “Why is there such darkness at a time when we celebrate the greatest light coming into the world?” Even the best of us can struggle with keeping our focus on the illumination of the incarnation in the seemingly dark shroud of unasked doubts. My kneejerk reaction when facing these questions is to shove them down, so that I never voice my concerns. However the theologian Paul Tillich reminds us of something that Saint Thomas knew well, “Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith.” This Christmas season if and when doubts arise, do not lock them away, for that is when we become stagnant followers. Instead, allow the wanderings and the wonderings within to strengthen faith shining a new light on those areas of uncertainty.

In our Episcopal Tradition we have a wealth of wonderful worship resources including a book called Holy Women, Holy Men. This book tells the stories of saints from past and present. The scholars who describe Saint Thomas remind us that “The expression ‘Doubting Thomas’… is not entirely fair to Thomas. He did not refuse belief: he wanted to believe, but did not dare, without further evidence. Because of his goodwill Jesus gave him a sign, though Jesus had refused a sign to the Pharisees. His Lord’s rebuke was well deserved: ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe’ (John 20:29). The sign did not create faith; it merely released the faith which was in Thomas already.”   Thomas believed. He had given up his life to follow Jesus, and yet, his doubts had locked up his faith.

The band Nickel Creek wrote a beautiful song entitled, “Doubting Thomas.” Through the progression of the song part of the chorus changes from “I took a promise/But I do not feel safe/” to “I can’t keep my promises/Cause I don’t know what’s safe” to finally “I’m a doubting Thomas/I’ll take your promise/Though I know nothing’s safe/Oh me of little faith.” A mature faith allows for doubt, but this doubt is not an element that locks faith away, but rather opens up our wonder and awe of the Divine. To believe means being risky, unsafe, and vulnerable. This is so difficult.

To follow Jesus requires us to seek Christ through the doubt that obscures and somehow strengthens our faith. Through the doubt we find ourselves at the moment when Jesus shows his hands and his side to Thomas, we too are greeted by the Risen Christ. We, like the disciple, fall before Jesus recognizing He is Risen. We too are called to respond to God’s presence by sharing the Good News with those whom we meet. Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one important element of faith that invites us to wonder and wander with God. In this season of the unbelievable I invite you to be like Thomas, I invite you to seek the presence of Christ here in your midst, and I invite you to recognize the Risen Christ as your Lord and your God. Blessed are those who do not see and yet believe.