Where do you belong?

Why do more and more people feel alone?

Every so often a very powerful moment will surface from the depths of my memory. One such remembering happened recently, and it took me back to the midst of my wife’s and my wedding reception. We were on the dance floor among beloved family and friends. Kim and I had met these wonderful people across our entire lives in different times and places. We had gotten to know them for so many various reasons. And, what strikes me from this memory is that even though all of these people may not have known each other before, in that moment they all seemed to belong together, we all felt as though we belonged together.

Fast forward from when that memory was made almost two years ago to now. I have heard from several of those beloved people who were out on that dance floor that they currently feel disconnected. Perhaps it is because of an illness, the death of a family member, a divorce, a job transition, or something else, but so many people close to me have expressed a perceived sensation of isolation. They feel that they do not belong where they are.

This belief that one is disconnected does not appear to be just something people close to me are experiencing. A recent study by Cigna, the health service corporation, found that many Americans and especially young adults are lonely. Certainly this is not about being alone. Solitude is a fantastic practice that can bring insight and connection to all that is beyond us, while on the other hand loneliness is quite an unappealing other side to the alone coin. Quickly let’s look at the difference between these two.

Solitude is a time when one chooses to be alone. This could be at a hermitage or retreat center or even just an intentional morning at home. It allows for the clutter of one’s regular life to die down enough to feel that deep connection with the Divine One who connects us all. Loneliness alternatively is an involuntary feeling of disconnection. Even when one is around others one will still feel detached. Feeling lonely long term can lead to dangerous health issues, like depression, diabetes, or heart disease. So, what does one do? How does one combat loneliness?

The Gospel reading we will hear on Sunday comes from John 17 when Jesus is about to depart from his friends—a moment when he or they might feel alone. His words to his friends on that night long ago were comforting though, and they are still comforting to this day—even if they are a little heady. Jesus spoke of God’s joy being in his followers, their connection to God through him, and that they belong to something greater than this world. But what about us? How might we feel that connection? How might we not succumb to sensations of loneliness or isolationism? I think the answer might come from connecting the past with the present and the future.

For many generations various aspects of people’s lives have been woven intricately together. Their homes, their work, and their religious community have all been interwoven. In the last few generations though, we have become more disconnected from the intersection of these various areas, which has detached us from creating a more rooted sense of community.
Now certainly there has been good from this, in particular people have expanded their view to see beyond the regional, as we all notice how connected we are globally. However, looking at my own life I notice that I feel most disconnected when I am not grounded in a life that celebrates the interwoven tapestry of home, life, and religion in community. Why is that?

I do not presume to speak for everyone, but when I have tried to replace deep, time-tested ways of connecting with a novel approach I do not feel the same sense of community. Every now and then in seminary when I would have a Sunday off, I would watch a soccer match with friends at an Irish pub in Austin. Going to watch those matches brought a great sense of excitement. In that moment I felt connected with something larger than myself, but it lacked a certain sense of rootedness. It was not, I believe, the same as belonging to a community that practices unconditional love.

Jesus invites us into belonging. We all belong to God. Through God’s love we belong, as that love transforms us into God’s beloveds. The Church, when it is at its best helps me to know that I am not alone, that I belong to this community and to the source of this community. My way of worship and being part of the Church is not for everyone, but I am not sure if having brunch or going to the park or binge-watching a TV show will ever provide a deep sense that we belong to the One that units us all. You may be thinking, “You’re a priest, of course you feel that way.” Still, what Jesus invites us into knowing is that through God’s love—the love that Jesus himself exemplified most clearly in loving us even through betrayal, torture, and death—we all belong to something much greater than our singular selves.

Loneliness is a serious and dangerous issue in this day and age. Feeling a connection to life beyond our individual selves provides a salve for any soul that feels alone. God through Christ Jesus shows us that all of us belong to God, as God loves each of us into being and loves each of us into being God’s beloveds.