Forgiveness

Recently I heard a comedian talking about his relationship with his girlfriend. Like many romantic relationships some of the things that this young woman did got on the comedian’s nerves and vice versa. Those things that were sweet and cute and unique in the beginning somehow become neurotic, narcissistic, or nerve wracking down the road. Yet, this comedian would not immediately say something to his girlfriend about the annoying behavior. Instead he would wait. Then, when she came back from the bathroom saying, “Honey, you left the toilet seat up again,” he would launch into his savings of offenses… “Well, what about last week when you made me stop watching the game? Or the other day when you made me get off the phone with my bestfriend so that we could call your parents? Or on and on…”

Of course, I have never purposefully saved up a wrong done to me, so that I could hold it over someone else’s head (wink, wink). And, I am sure that you have never once withheld forgiveness to someone else. Living and forgiving in community have been the focal points of the last two Sunday’s gospel readings. Last week it was about pointing out the fault by yourself, with one or two others, and with the whole church if you have to do that to ensure that the one doing the harm knows their hurtful actions. Today, we heard Peter asking Jesus how many times do we have to forgive someone who sins against us? Seven times?

Now, at first Peter’s estimate might seem either a little high or a little low depending upon where you are sitting. There are some people I just get along with from the moment I meet them. It would take a pretty dramatic turn of events for them to need to seek my forgiveness seven times. We all also probably know someone that gets underneath our skin, and often that is the person that we also love the most. A recent post on the Episcopal Café’s website asked, “Want to take a crash course in forgiveness? Get married. Want to take a graduate degree in forgiveness? Have kids.”

Forgiveness is not just something that we do sometimes when we kneel down at church, this is a way of life that becomes more challenging the closer we come to other people within a community. When Peter throws out his question he is asking more though, than just should we forgive people seven times? The original language comes across in a more complicated fashion, as it says something like, “Should I forgive fully? Should I forgive others perfectly?” The way I might ask Jesus this question is “Should I forgive others always?” Jesus is not satisfied with the fullness of Peter’s forgiveness, instead he says, not seven times but seventy-seven times (or seven times seven times). For Jesus perfect forgiveness does not cut it, we must practice forgiveness beyond perfect forgiveness. But how? How can we possibly forgive fully?

Jesus tells a parable that seems very straight forward. We have a King who holds a servant’s debt that makes Bill Gate’s net worth look small. We have a servant, who is in way over his head. The servant begs for forgiveness, and the King actually listens. Instead of going to jail and being required to work off the debt, the King acts graciously forgiving the entire balance. Not good financial work, but the most generous offer. The servant turns around and tries to get money back from those who owe him, and when some other servants catch wind of it they report it to the King. The King who was abundantly gracious is now abundantly vengeful. Now, we are to take away from this that 1. The King is clearly God, 2. The Servant is clearly us, 3. God cancels away all our debts, 4. We are to forgive others, but what are we to do with the ending?

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We pray this as part of the Lord’ Prayer, from earlier in Matthew, every week during Holy Eucharist. In fact, this is the only thing I know of that is present in every single liturgy that we have as a church. The Lord’s Prayer is so important that we pray it every time we gather together. So we are to expect that God’s does not forgive those who practice forgiveness to others? Hold onto that question, while I tell you one more story.

“Two monks on their way to the monastery found an exceedingly beautiful woman at the riverbank. Like them, she wished to cross the river, but the water was too high. So one of the monks lifted her onto his back and carried her across.

“His fellow monk was thoroughly scandalized. For two hours he berated him on his negligence in keeping the rule: Had he forgotten he was a monk? How did he dare touch a woman? And worse, carry her across the river? What would people say? Had he not brought their holy religion into disrepute? And so on.

“The offending monk patiently listened to the never-ending sermon. Finally he broke in with ‘Brother, I dropped that woman at the river. Are you still carrying her?’”

We can scream at God and believe that God is the one that tortures us, but it is by not forgiving other’s debts that we torture ourselves. Our task as Christians is to follow Jesus in the practice of loving one another and the best way that we can do this is to forgive one another, not perfectly, but beyond perfectly. We will not always get forgiving others right, and when we do that we have to forgive ourselves. So forgive your brother and your sister, your father and your mother, your son and your daughter, your friend and your enemy, for it is in forgiving others that we ourselves participate in the forgiveness of our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.