An Open Letter to the City of Vestavia Hills

It's time to call on Admiral Ackbar!

Dear Vestavia Hills,

I hope this finds you well, although from afar it appears that life feels a little bit divisive at the moment. Before going further, reintroducing myself to you would be helpful. My name is Seth Olson, for 17 of my 18 formative years I called you my home. I graduated from your Blue Ribbon High School, received an outstanding service award, outstanding English student award, academic achievement award, and captained your soccer team my junior and senior years. During that time I had very little problem with being a “rebel,” but with some years spent away and a little wisdom gleaned I think there is only one way in which you can peaceably keep that name.

The difficulty with a symbol is that the creators or perpetuators of the symbol cannot control what it means to others. I know that Vestavia Hills “rebelled” against the Jefferson County School Board, and that is ostensibly from whence the rebel mascot emerged. And yet, when I was in high school and saw fans waving Confederate Battle Flags and received some as an athlete even as a sixteen-year-old I felt something was amiss. It has taken me longer to identify the danger of the “Rebel Man,” as on some level he seems more cartoonish and less harmful; however, if we can trace his origins back to antebellum plantation owners, then it seems obvious to me that a new mascot is needed if the name Rebels is still to be given to sports teams in Vestavia Hills.

You may recall back in 2010 when the University of Mississippi Rebels, who now seem strangely forward-thinking on this issue, decided to get rid of their Colonel Reb mascot. Also, you may remember that Ole Miss tried to select General Ackbar, known most famously for commanding the Rebel Alliance in Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi, to be their mascot. George Lucas did not get on board with the plan back then, but I have a suspicion that this might be the week to push the folks at Disney (who now control the rights to Star Wars) to lend out General Ackbar as the new rebel man Mon Calamari. Perhaps you have seen in the news that Amy Schumer unadvisedly and without permission used the likeness of several Star Wars characters in a photo shoot for GQ magazine. This Vestavia Hills is your chance.

Do not pay a marketing firm thousands of dollars. Do not draw an updated rebellious figure. Do not go the path of the Ole Miss Rebel Black Bears. Instead call up Disney, get on your hands and knees, and beg them to use the Rebel Alliance as your mascot. They will appreciate the positive PR after all this GQ nonsense. We will have a respectable and an inclusive rebel figure. Vestavia Hills will get some good publicity. It’s a win-win-win! From the perspective of just one alumnus of your fine education system I believe almost like Princess Leia that this is our only hope. “Help us Admiral Ackbar, you’re our only hope.” Otherwise, get rid of “Rebels” altogether and go with Vikings or some other predominately white mascot who violently conquered and ruled over other people, although I believe that is what got you into trouble in the first place.

With highest regards,
Seth Olson