The Only Time I Want To Finish Second

Who are you following? (Picture courtesy of Bondiband)

During this Holy Week we have been wandering together as we follow Jesus and pondering together what does it mean to follow Jesus to the Cross?

I feel the need to confess something that may not seem all that sinful to you: I do not like to lose. I never have liked losing. My family knows this. My friends know this. Maybe even some of you know this. Certainly no one likes to lose, but I actively avoid it almost to the point that I have a diagnosable phobia of losing.

Lately though I have been actively trying to push myself to the point of losing. Not just to get over my fear of it, but also because by actually avoiding challenges in which I might fail my gifts and skills atrophy away. Plus, I will never learn how good I might be at something I am afraid to try because I might lose at it. This reminds me of one experience in which failing brought new insight and new growth in my life.

When I was in college I switched from being a life-long soccer player to a first-time track and cross-country runner. I was terrible. Not just bad, but awful. I was the last placed runner for most of the first track season I ran. In the slowest heat of the 800 meter or 1500 meter race I was often a distant last placed finisher too. For some reason though instead of quitting I kept with it.

Eventually I learned to push through what I perceived were my barriers and with the encouragement, advice, and pacing of others I actually turned out to be an okay student-athlete. Yet, what I learned in this endeavor of failing over and over again was not so much my strengths or my weaknesses, but rather the truth from the letter to the Hebrews we heard today.

“Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.”

Running a race with perseverance requires some skills, good training, and sound advice. And yet, some more pertinent pieces, albeit less catchy ones, from the author of the letter to the Hebrews get overlooked. First, we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. We have help in this race that we call life. People who have gone before us and those alive now can give us aid in this journey.

Next, to run a race with a weight tied to your ankle or strapped to your chest sounds torturous. On this journey of following Jesus lay aside the burden of sin that we so often carry around our necks. In this vein, do not think about the past times of failure either. They have brought you to this very moment.

Finally, and most importantly, you are not running this race without someone who is pacing you, someone who is blocking the wind for you, someone who has run the race before you. Jesus is the pioneer and perfecter of this journey that is our race. Somehow I often overlook the leader who goes before me, instead focusing on how I might fail.

In today’s Gospel story from John, Jesus goes before us in a very direct way. In the synoptic gospels we find Judas to be a traitor who seeks only more money. Yet, here we find that Jesus tells Judas what to do. Even in how he was handed over to torture and death the Son of God remained aware and in control of the race he was running.

We cannot control all things. However, we do have the power to control our interior spiritual life, the thoughts to which we give energy, and the feelings which ebb and flow our mood. Jesus did not let the shame of the Cross destroy him. He knew guilt lay with others and that he was God’s Son worthy of praise and devotion not riotous murder. We too are called to cast aside the shame of whatever it is that haunts us, whether it is the irrational fear of losing, the pain of a bad decision, or something else that clings to us. Within us we have inherit worth for we too are children of God adopted through the all-encompassing love of Christ.

This section of the race brings us every closer to our yearly remembrance of Jesus’ death. Run it with perseverance, or better yet slow down to walk the way of the Cross. For we have been given a perfect pace-setter to follow. And for me, trailing after Jesus might be the only time when I want to follow finishing second instead of leading.